Minions.

I have fallen in love with minions. It is sad and funny that my closest doppleganger is a purple minion. My hair can get a little wild, but that's ok.

Minion Run is my new FAVORITE APP! You get to ride the Fluffy Unicorn in the sky sometimes, and collect the bananas. It's great fun.

And last night, my Dad fell asleep on the couch and I was inspired to sing the Minion Lullaby. BB said, "I bet you think you're so clever, don't you?" I do. It was clever. The song is funny. 

So great is my love for minions I think I want to be one for Halloween. I'm pretty sure it would be fairly easy to make a hat and find some overall's and a yellow shirt. It's an excellent plan. 

ROAR!

My new MANTRA! Playing on repeat. You're gonna hear me ROARRRRRR!

Here's the deal

So there are so many things that I should be doing right now. But  I can't, because this is on my mind. I was placed in a position today where I felt inferior. It honestly made me feel so bad about myself that I was on the brink of tears. The old me, would have listened to the negative self talk and blame myself for certain things, and it probably would have made me self-harm. But I don't believe that voice anymore.
Here's the deal.
I like you and I'm not your first choice.
You are stupid and here is why.
I'm not sorry that I'm imperfect. (double negative kind of) Nonetheless, I know my body isn't perfect. I know physically I'm not a super model. But I'm getting healthy and strong, and I'm proud of that.
I'm not sorry that I'm too trusting. I see the good in people first, even if it the only shred of good they have left in every fiber of their being. I see that, and I like that.
I'm not sorry that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am an open book. I can't hide my feelings. I don't want to. I don't like playing games. I am honest, and I like that.
I'm not sorry that I'm too kind. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. I genuinely care more about others than I do myself sometimes, and I like that. I think that is possibly the only Christ like attribute I have.
I'm not sorry that I giggle too much. I giggle and can get crazy and even really weird, and I like that.
I'm not sorry for the way that I dress. I think I have great style. I like how I dress and that's all that matters.
I'm not sorry that I come from the family I do. Sometimes it sucks and sucks isn't the right word for how crappy it is. But I'm a hell of a lot stronger person today than I would have been, if I hadn't gone through what I've gone through.
Also, I'm not sorry that I may have a little baggage. Guess what? I'm dealing with my issues. I'm getting over my problems now, so I don't have a midlife crisis one day like she will. All the counseling I have had and all the hard time I've gone through makes me get it. Get it in a way that people who have never had the short end of the stick could understand. It makes me more compassionate and empathetic, and I LOVE that.
Basically, I'm tired of feeling inadequate. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the reason that I'm not your first choice.
Here's the deal.
I think I'm pretty.
I think I'm smart.
I think I'm kind.
I think I'm talented.
I think I'm awesome.
I think I'm a damn good friend.
And honestly, anyone would be lucky to have me in their family.
I think I'm a CATCH!
You are blind and missing out brother.  I'm letting go of all the feelings, good and bad. It's no longer my problem.

Sing to me till I fall asleep.

Summer is ending. Change is coming and coming fast. Change is hard. I'm comfortable. I've been comfortable in my routine. That routine is about to become incredibly difficult with long hours, and I'm not ready.

I would consider my life to be a roller coaster, but this last week was definitely a roller coaster week. I just came from a high of the best vacations to being blind sided and that is extremely frustrating. I've come to realize that it takes me awhile to shake negative emotions. Maybe that's the aftermath of depression or depression that has still yet to completely escape my body. In the unfairness of the events that created a minor dip in my roller coaster life, this might maybe may have been a blessing in disguise. Because now I have more time.

Time that I should be using to be dive into my prep courses and homework for the upcoming crazy year of school. Well when I jump into this load of work, I can't even make a dent into it. I've enjoyed my laziness and lack of homework for the last 8 months. It scares me that I can't concentrate. I don't want to be unprepared for what lies ahead and become extremely frustrated because I can't get the material right away and then fall light years behind on everything, simply because I didn't know the basics.  

I worry. I'm a worrier because I think too much and over analyze everything. To distract me from my internal dialogue of being completely overwhelmed, scared to death, and worrisome; I listen to this. 

Jayme Dee is my second favorite artist. I love this song. Makes me feel nostalgic. Which in this case is better than worried.